Well, months ago I said I was going to be more active "in the coming weeks" so you can tell how well that went.

Still, life's been okay. I've had some ups and downs, but I'm back to counselling and might be moving on to regular therapy later on, so that's good. Well, you know what I mean.

I last talked about going back to work after summer break, and that's turned out fine. I like the new batch of children a lot. They're really, really nice and fun to hang out with. We have a few troublemakers, but that's to be expected, since we have 21 children in our class.

I talked about Harry Potter with one of them today. They said that "the boy who was a little bit fatter dropped his frog once" and that "Harry sliced a bad guy once in the neck" but that it wasn't scary, because Harry was so cool. I asked how that happened, and they excitedly explained that Harry had a pretty sword that he'd used.

Also, a character fell in ice water once and that was scary? But they said it was an adult character, and I'm not sure I remember that? They were probably confused. Or am I confused?

Another kid joined and said that the HP characters can do magic and that, "One girl was like 'leviodah!' and what weird spell that is, right? So weird!"

I later in the conversation referred back to the basilisk by calling it the big bad monster, and the first kid told me that, "Oh, no, that really really big man, he didn't do anything bad, he was just nice." Hahahah, so I guess they thought I meant Hagrid?

I'm overjoyed and wildly amused. Five-year-olds and six-year-olds are usually too young to talk to about HP, lol. They have seen the first movie a lot of the time, but not much else.

I almost snorted a laugh when they said the giant man was kind. Ahaha. Yep. Yep, Hagrid was the basilisk all along. Okay then. I love miscommunications with children.

In any case, speaking of both my life and HP...

I wrote a fic for NGF. It was kind of draining but REALLY fun. I'm very proud of it. While it's not my best work, it turned out good, IMO. It's a little different from how I'd usually write at least one character, but it suited the story, so. It felt good to complete a new story.

I might make a separate post for it, but likely not. But if you want to read some Teddy/Albus Severus, where Teddy has some unrequited feelings for James Sirius that he learns to let go of, you can read it here.

If the link works that is, lol. It's been so long since I linked something, I'm forgetting all my HTML.

Hope you're all well. <3

I was going to crosspost this from DW, but I had problems singing in and it's five in the morning, so it'll have to be posted from here instead. :D Why am I awake?

I want to spread some love for you, our beloved noodle. In my own strange way.

( Click )

Title: The Inevitable Closeness of Proximity
Author: maccadole
Pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 3140
Content/warnings: mentioned forced bonding, bed sharing, bit of a poke while the other is asleep
Summary: One bed, two wizards and the first of seven nights.
Notes: carpemermaid, my precious friend. Happy birthday!! Thank you for being so supportive and kind to me – especially these past few months. You are such a darling. I wrote you some tropey H/D, because we both like that, and silly Drarry is how you and I met. <3 I hope you like it. Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own. Thank you, shiftylinguini for the title. (And the sequel suggestion The Inevitable Proximity of Harry's Cock to Draco's Arsehole LOL ♡)

( The Inevitable Closeness of Proximity )

Nnnngaahhhh. I mean, hi. How are you?

So, I switched jobs this autumn. Last autumn? What do you even say? In any case, I now work with a preschool class as a teacher's aide. The kids are all six years old, or just about to turn six. They're freaking adorable. But this job? It's a kind of internship thing, so while I work there it's not been a job as such. You know? BUT GUESS WHAT. In March, when my internship ends, they're going to hire meeeeeeee. AAAHHHHHH!!!!

Eeee, and I wanted to share my silly socks with you. My friend Q knits a lot and for my birthday in October, she gave me pair of adorable socks, among other things. She said she wanted to include something HP related since I'm into that again now, but she didn't know what. But she'd already started knitting said socks by the time I was writing my Albus/Teddy fic. Which she beta read for me. (YAY!) She said she couldn't stop thinking of Teddy's hair as she finished the socks, bahaha, and that she counted them as a vague HP gift. And I think of them as my Teddy Socks, for sure. (The colors don't come out as well against this floor, or with my phone's camera, but you get the idea.)

( Teddy Socks picture )

Also, have you read cap_bookworm's new fic? I did such a shit job as a beta, I swear to grapes. For example, when reading through it (a second time, I might add) to look it over... Well, I saw this one line that had me flipping my shit, because of the perfect actions taking place. I wrote a short comment in the google document, praising it, and THEN I noticed there was a whole extra word in that sentence. I was so busy loving the plot that I forgot the writing, it seems. I should've definitely read through it more times. :D If there are any shitty mistakes, blame me.

It RUINED me, though. I still think of it and die a little inside. I can't even tell you. It's been a while since I was so completely ruined by a smutty fic. UGH.

It's delicious and I rec it so hard.

Title: Confess to Me, All that Lies Between Us
Pairing: Draco/Harry/Teddy, Harry/Teddy, Draco/Harry
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6,400
Summary: Teddy pays a visit to his godfather, who also happens to be a professor at Hogwarts.
Content/Warnings: Age disparity (H/D: 40’s, Teddy: almost 18), D/s dynamics, semi-public sex, blowjobs, handjobs, wanking, anal sex, rimming, fingering, come play, orgasm denial, Legilimency, godson/godfather relationship, cousin incest, threesome, spit-roasting, praise!kink, bottom!Harry, top!Draco, Dom!Teddy, voyeurism, hair-pulling, nipple play, face-fucking, hung!Teddy

ETA: Wow, I accidentally messed up. The link to the recced fic is now actually there. And I was going to end my post with this:

That's all from me. I hope to post a fic of my own soon. :D

Hello, everyone! I am indeed alive.

I took a bit of a break from LJ. I didn't plan to, it's just that my to-read list made me feel less "ooh, yay, I have so much fun stuff to look forward to" and more "fuck, there are so many stories I ought to be reading."

Want turned into should. And that's silly.

So instead of stressing myself out about "having to" stay up to date with everything, I took some time off. I hope to backtrack a little bit, but I'll likely not do that a lot. Forgive me if I haven't been commenting on your posts lately. <3

Ugh, I'm reading my third Erised story right now, and they've all been soooo goooooood so far. Gods, I've missed fic and LJ and all these fests and— UGGH. You know?

And I finally saw Fantastic Beasts a week or two before Christmas, by the way. I'd promised to go see it with friends, that's why I had to wait so long. I forget when it was, but I liked it a lot, though, I've got to say. I knew literally nothing about it, somehow, so that was fun. Although, okay, I knew Alison Sudol would appear in it, and that she'd have what I thought would be a cameo — except it turned out she played Queenie and had a giant part, so I was very very delighted. :D

I love her music and have for years. I was thrilled when I saw a random tweet once, early on, that she'd be in it. It was pure accident too, because while I have a Twitter account, I'm never on there. Eee, and she was so beautiful. Her album Pines is one of my favorites ever, and it means a lot to me. I listened to it a lot a couple of years ago, taking comfort in the story of it. It starts out really atmospheric with slower songs about being down in the dumps, and going through the motions, but for each song it gets catchier and brighter, and towards the end it's about moving on and being optimistic – and feeling alive. UGH. Also, it has a nature theme and whatnot, of course, what with "Pines" and I love that. I love nature, and the woods. The forest where I live is like my second home.

But anyway, enough about that.

How are you doing? Good, I hope. How was your holidays? I celebrated Christmas with my mom, aunt and cousin. My brother lives in Hong Kong and although he and his girlfriend usually come back home to Sweden to celebrate with us, they didn't this year. But it was nice. We had a very nice and relaxing evening with good food, silly jokes, and presents.

My cousin asked what the best part of 2016 had been for each of us, and I honestly said that finding this community was one of the most meaningful things. You people are so supportive and accepting, and affectionate, and there's a fun and creative vibe traveling through this fandom, and I love it. It's very rewarding, being a part of it, and it's inspired me a lot the last few months. Sappy again, yeah, but still true.

In fact, it was exactly a year ago, almost to the minute, that I had the idea to re-read a classic Harry/Draco fic. I know this, because I was talking to one of my best friends about it on Skype chat at the time. I've mentioned her before – her nickname is Q, and we met through HP fandom in 2004.

I looked it up in our chat history, and, well, yeah. It was exactly a year ago. I know I started reading it that evening, and I was already consumed by the fic the very next day. Skimming the chat history was hilarious because there's clear evidence of me losing my mind over it. LOL. I remember that, though. It was so nostalgic reading it and remembering the first time around. It was so sentimental, and reading about the wizarding world again made me remember how much I loved it and the characters, and the pairing. Ugh.

When I finished the fic I went, "Soo... I can, uh, kind of imagine reading another."

And I did.

And here we are. <3

Hello!

I'm not dead or gone, I've been here, just reading and commenting on fests and letting life do its thing. How are you all doing? I've been communicating with some of you, but how about the rest? I hope you're all well, and happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrated it.

HOLY GRAPES (because if ever there was a time to say holy grapes, it'd be now) I'm overwhelmed by the love meme. It made me cry, and it seems I'm not the only one. Goodness, it's been a long time since I felt so genuinely appreciated. You're all so kind and affectionate, and reading all the lovely comments you left me really warmed my heart and made me tear up. It was precisely what I needed. <33 Fandom is great anddddd shit, it meant so much to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Just. Thank you. ♥

Reading and leaving comments for others was the most amazing thing. Gosh, what a lovely idea – this love meme thing. Definitely check it out if you haven't. But it's been a while, so I think you're all aware already. Wasn't it the best?

Life is good. I have a cold and I've missed out on some physical therapy because of it. Booo. I also missed work this week, but although I love my job I kind of needed the break, so it's fine. I think my maybe-cold finally broke out because of stress, actually. But now I'm doing much better.

AND I OWN A WAND.

A wise and magnificent Dutch wandmaker, living a secretive life in an undisclosed location in the Netherlands, felt the stars call upon him. He deemed me worthy and rushed to create one to match my magical signature. It arrived by owl all the way from there, just for me, with the most wonderful scroll explaining that it was fashioned out of willow.

Or, in other words, my buddy Eddy carved me a wand as a hobby. He made a few a couple of years ago but neither of us thought about it then. Now, though, he suddenly decided to make me one when his carving came up in conversation. Eeee! It's my first wand ever, and it's GORGEOUS. Seriously, he's done the most beautiful details on it, and I was in awe when it arrived. He wrote, in calligraphy (with a fecking wax seal and everything) that it was made from a willow branch, and that it was loosely based on Hermione's wand.

SUITS ME FINE, mister. Because, aaah, it has the most exquisite pattern with vines and golden details. I love gold and leaves!

My photos aren't perfect because they're taken with my phone in somewhat poor lighting. But these turned out best. LOOK!









ETA: Ooh, Eddy has left a comment that you can see here, telling us about his process and showing us pictures. He doesn't use his account anymore, but I noticed his last post is from 2012, talking about making his first couple of wands. Haha, wow.

Yesterday was my birthday and I barely know where to begin. Cursed Child is finally mine, at least, I can say that much. Now I can read it myself and see what I think. Apart from that I got 29 other gifts. Yes, you read that correctly. I kept feeling like Dudley.

But they were all little things, down to useful stuff like new underwear, haha. So it wasn't 30 luxury items. Mother wanted to do something fun for my 30th birthday, so she decided to get thirty small gifts.

I've been gifted things online too and... way more than I ever expected. I'd heard whispering about one person writing me a little something and I was ecstatic. But then FOUR people wrote me something, and others sent me birthday messages. I'm honestly a bit overwhelmed. I literally didn't see that coming.

My friend Q and I started out as fandom friends and she's given me handwritten ficlets alongside physical gifts before, once or twice, kind of like a bonus. But by that point we'd already known each other – and met regularly – for years.

Meaning I've never had an online fandom friend write me something. Not like this. And that's kind of strange in a way, isn't it? Considering I've been in fandom for so long. But somehow I've never connected enough with people for them to do that?? Hence: ME BEING A LITTLE OVERWHELMED.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. It really means a lot. It is SO inspiring and motivating knowing that people actually care and show support for each other in this community. I love how creative and appreciated it makes me feel. You are all the best!

I have my very own homemade cake and it is delicious. I've only had to share it with Mother and my aunt so far so there's plenty left, hahah. YUM. And when my aunt was here, she told us about a silly radio show that she thought was fun. We ended up listening for a while, the three of us. The program has a new theme every day and people get to call in. Yesterday's theme? "Things that have been ruined for you."

The first caller? Well, it was a young woman claiming that Harry Potter had been ruined for her. She seemed good-natured about it though and when they asked her why, she said it was because of a game she'd heard of. One that I think many of us have heard of at some point. *SNORT* You know, when you replace the word "wand" with "penis"?

This was, of course, hilarious to me. Not so much because of the juvenile game itself but more because of their reactions. Also Harry Potter grabbing a penis seemed to be my very own birthday theme, considering what people wrote for me. :D

She asked if the hosts wanted a few examples and one started with Harry casting his patronus. By that time I bent over in my chair and face-planted into the kitchen table half mortified and half dying of laughter because I knew what was coming. Yeah, so it was all about him gripping the wand penis tighter and white stuff shooting out of it. :D Mother was horrified but also vaguely amused and both of them seemed wildly confused while I cackled like a mad person.

All in all it was a lovely, slow day. One of those relaxing ones that end up being just the right amount of fun without being too much or too tiring.

Maybe you've seen these already but click below to check out what people wrote for me. <3

( birthday gifts )

I was thinking about the wonderful birthday bird birdsofshore that we all know and love, and how lucky I am to know her.

How lucky I am to know all of you.

I was a miserable, sobbing ball of sadness and emptiness in January, and then I rediscovered HP fic and my love spiked again. That helped distract me while I worked on getting better, and while I've read fic before in my life I'd never read quite so much of it on a regular basis. It was amazing.

By May I was recognizing names and practically drooling at the thought of befriending those people. Once I started finding the good fic, and the new fic, the usernames kept appearing until one day I was literally stage-shouting at my screen, "I want to be your friend!!"

Hahah, oh yes.

May 13th is when I tidied up my journal a bit and posted, among other things, this:

That's partly what made me return here, I remembered. See, I may want to use this account to sneak around communities and such, because I'm starting to notice, as I lurk, that there are still people active here in that section of the fandom. Hm, hm. And the more fic I read, the more I keep seeing the same names over and over again. They write, they comment, they mention each other. I kind of want to befriend them all? (Desperately, at times.)

Birds was the first person I talked to directly and she was so kind and helpful. She reintroduce me to this fandom. ♥ I wish her all the best not only on her birthday, but in life. Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words, dear!

Would you believe that I've been in fandom since I was a teenager (and I turn 30 in exactly one week) and yet never participated in a fest?

Until June 2016, when I felt like peeing myself because I was so nervous and filled with anxiety at the prospect of showing my writing to anyone. But I wanted it SO BAD I could feel my skin crawling, I swear. I wanted to participate and not just stand by and watch. I didn't want my stupid irrational fear and anxiety to rule me. And so I ended up spontaneously collaborating with the lovely carpemermaid for Draco's birthday fest over at dracomalfoy. It took some of the pressure off – doing it together – and it was SO MUCH FUN. You, Carpe, you beautiful mermaid, were so sweet and hilarious and accepting of my ideas. You've no idea how much that meant. :D It was the proof my brain needed to understand that things aren't necessarily all Scary Doom all the time.

And slowly but surely I unlurked and started posting these obscenely long comments and reviews, and people were talking to me, and friending me, and I friended people. AAH.

Then the astonishingly beautiful _melodic_ asked me to help her with her fics, and I felt so appreciated and useful and happy. God, Mel, getting to know you has been one of the best parts of returning to HP/HD fic fandom and I'm so grateful for all the wonderful things you've done for me along the way.

Now here I am.

And my wish came true.

I have a bunch of tremendously remarkable friends and acquaintances now, and I'm taking part in a wonderful fandom again. I'm doing a lot better now, both mentally and emotionally, and all you friendly people with your amazing writing and accepting attitude helped so much without hardly even knowing it.

I feel like I've come a long way and yet it's only been a few months since I unlurked. It's crazy. I've never been in such a caring, interactive fandom before. Not in this way, at least. Well, that would be HP in that case, back when I was a teen and spent my days on a Swedish Harry Potter site that no longer exists. (It shut down in 2006 and there's supposedly going to be a reunion in Stockholm for the ten year anniversary. It's fitting I got back into HP this year, I realize.)

I've even signed up for a fest. Me! If that's not a sign of progress, I don't know what is. It's the first time I've ever properly claimed a prompt, officially. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING ANYMORE :D but I am SO EXCITED!!

Talking to my counselor helped most of all, of course, but fandom did its fair share too. I'm so happy that I'm already this lucky, after such a short while, and I can't wait to get to know even more people and start writing again.

This community is the best and I'm feeling so sappy tonight. ♥

Sssooo, I met with the principal of a local elementary school the other week and had a bunch of questions thrown at me, and today was my first day at work so clearly I did something right. YAY.

I work with the preschool class, so all the kids are six years old. I worked at a non-school based preschool before this... if that makes sense? I don't know what you call it and how you define the different terms where you're from. (I guess it depends on location and person?) They were three to five years old there, anyway, because I worked with the oldest kids at that preschool. Sadly I wasn't able to stay there, but YAY now I have this new job.

My first day was great and I was given a hug by an adorable little girl. :D She was all, "See you tomorrow, Miss!" Ugh, my heart.

Yay, Fantastic Beasts coloring book.

And I went to IKEA the other day, like the Swede I am, and the first thing I thought when I visited the toilets was that the stalls were not large enough to have convenient sex in. The floor was surprisingly fresh and clean, were a certain bespectacled bloke to give some blond man a blowjob while on his knees, but heck if I know how they'd fit. I suppose one of them would have to sit on the lid of the toilet or something. Perhaps the men's restroom is designed differently? *Shrugs happily* I don't know about you, but these are now the things I ponder when visiting department stores.

Now I have to sleep because I start working at seven tomorrow morning. YAY! (And I mean that genuinely. I may not be a morning person but it's nice to have a job again.)

Hullo, I've been away.

( AHA, adventure! )