Ow the pain!
Oct. 22nd, 2011 02:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maccadoleYou know how some people delve into their work, etc, to stay busy and distracted?
I've done that with TV shows since, oh, I don't actually know... Around 2005, I do believe?
I've discovered a huge flaw in this unhealthy obsession of mine! Well, I mean, apart from it perhaps being generally unhealthy to watch so many episodes all the time. Pfft!
When you put all your effort into escaping via fictional work of art... and it turns out bad, then it sort of hurts.
Now, this is not news to me. I've always been a bit emotional when it comes to movies and series. I've cried like a little baby before! Especially when it comes to TV series when you have time to get attached to characters and such.
Now, of course, the last couple of years it's been getting more intense. I get very emotionally invested in things I watch. It's both good and bad, I'd say! (As long as you know where to draw the line. ... Which I clearly don't XD)
And now I've sort of made the mistake of watching the most painful movie ever. (To me, at least, because of personal issues, etc, I don't know if you'd feel the same way. Although I can say that it IS generally heartbreaking.)
I literally knew nothing about it when hitting play! All I knew was that my newobsession celebrity crush was in it. Apparently he was the main character as well, and it was a very sad movie.
A very sad movie.
(And I've somehow managed to keep this growing crush hidden, hushed, secret. I'm a little ashamed of it, to be honest, like I'm not supposed to like him! I wasn't the first to like him, so I feel like I've stolen him!
Well, he's not some thing you can steal and trade, and more than one person can like someone at the same time, but you know what I mean?
For a period of time I didn't even like him at all! And then I was obsessed, suddenly. Also I miss Daniel. I feel guilty.
Oh, god, these are the exact emotions I went through - I realize - when I started liking Daniel [Jackson, from SG-1] after liking Mark [Greene, from ER]. I need to have a similar epiphany realizing it's all right.)
The movie was very sweet, and funny, and touching in all its sadness. Very painful, but also very wonderful.
I can't decide whether I regret watching it or not.
Having the lead played by one of the cutest faces on earth (according to me at current time) made it a bit too easy to feel sad for his character, though. That was the first problem.
Then it kept pressing my buttons by ruining little things. Little things supposed to be perfect amazing things, and then they were ruined forever. And since it's ruined forever and can't be undone, you have to let it go. Can't do nothing about it, right?
But I can never let shit like that go. I keep thinking how perfect it'd've been, and I feel all sad. So when things got ruined in the movie, I felt terrible! More terrible than the characters did, by the looks of things.
It also featured one of my greatest fears. And that freaked me out. Not in the oh-my-god-running-around-flailing sort of way. But it made me massively uncomfortable. Also it was sort of generally sick. But also made sense. But not. OH DEAR LORD STUPID MOVIE!
It made me relate so much. Little things, random things, things said, points of view, feelings, and I was constantly thinking "What would I do in this situation?" and that sort of broke me.
AND HE WAS SO CUTE OH MY GOD! WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SO CUTE!?
And so I ended up sobbing at my screen. Literally.
This wasn't the kind of "Aww, sad science fiction episode went bad and I related so much and it was so sad and I cried"-tears. This was like ultimate crying and blowing nose and sobbing-tears.
I have issues. Issues that are hard to deal with randomly 'in real life' as they say. So I both escape via shows and movies, to ignore things, and I also use them as a tool to deal with things when possible.
And so when things go shitty in fiction, I think of lots of things that are shitty IRL, and I get too emotionally invested, and attached, and then shit goes down.
But the biggest problem with that movie apart from the relating too much, and the fears, and the pressing of buttons...
The biggest problem was definitely his cute face.
Made it REALLY hard to watch.
I finished it around two a.m. My friend was very right when she called me insane for 1. Watching it at all. And 2. Watching it after one a.m. when I knew it ended in pain and misery, because how would I be able to sleep after that?
Although to be fair I didn't suspect as much until I'd started the movie, and then I was so hooked I had to finish it. It kind of draws you in. And if it doesn't, I will say this much, it's the kind of movie you need to watch all of in order to appreciate.
It took little over an hour to recover enough to go to bed. I fell asleep at four. Woke up at ten after dreaming about zombies for some reason. I was stressed out. Then I got up for real around noon.
Both times the first thing I though about was the movie. Hm. This could be troublesome for a while to come.
I'm completely broken.
But I don't think I regret watching it, because it touched me so much. No movie has made me cry that much.
Although it annoys me that I'll never know if my feelings are a result of the general movie/story, or simply because of him.
Stupid obsession-like crush for character/character/actor. (I love two of his roles specifically, and that bleeds together, of course, and then I also love him. Because it's his face. Stupid characters tend to do that to me. Like Daniel and Shanksy. ... I probably shouldn't call him 'Shanksy' here, right? Michael Shanks. Whatever. I can be sane, I promise.)
And now I... Am scared. Keeping secrets can be stressful. I mean, by now I've let enough things slip to one friend that she knows it already. But that's only one out of many.
Okay, okay. I'll come out to the world.
The movie is Third Star, and the actor is Benedict Cumberbatch.
(IKR, HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HIM?)
Phew.
Okay.
Vented.
DFTBA
Mac
I've done that with TV shows since, oh, I don't actually know... Around 2005, I do believe?
I've discovered a huge flaw in this unhealthy obsession of mine! Well, I mean, apart from it perhaps being generally unhealthy to watch so many episodes all the time. Pfft!
When you put all your effort into escaping via fictional work of art... and it turns out bad, then it sort of hurts.
Now, this is not news to me. I've always been a bit emotional when it comes to movies and series. I've cried like a little baby before! Especially when it comes to TV series when you have time to get attached to characters and such.
Now, of course, the last couple of years it's been getting more intense. I get very emotionally invested in things I watch. It's both good and bad, I'd say! (As long as you know where to draw the line. ... Which I clearly don't XD)
And now I've sort of made the mistake of watching the most painful movie ever. (To me, at least, because of personal issues, etc, I don't know if you'd feel the same way. Although I can say that it IS generally heartbreaking.)
I literally knew nothing about it when hitting play! All I knew was that my new
A very sad movie.
(And I've somehow managed to keep this growing crush hidden, hushed, secret. I'm a little ashamed of it, to be honest, like I'm not supposed to like him! I wasn't the first to like him, so I feel like I've stolen him!
Well, he's not some thing you can steal and trade, and more than one person can like someone at the same time, but you know what I mean?
For a period of time I didn't even like him at all! And then I was obsessed, suddenly. Also I miss Daniel. I feel guilty.
Oh, god, these are the exact emotions I went through - I realize - when I started liking Daniel [Jackson, from SG-1] after liking Mark [Greene, from ER]. I need to have a similar epiphany realizing it's all right.)
The movie was very sweet, and funny, and touching in all its sadness. Very painful, but also very wonderful.
I can't decide whether I regret watching it or not.
Having the lead played by one of the cutest faces on earth (according to me at current time) made it a bit too easy to feel sad for his character, though. That was the first problem.
Then it kept pressing my buttons by ruining little things. Little things supposed to be perfect amazing things, and then they were ruined forever. And since it's ruined forever and can't be undone, you have to let it go. Can't do nothing about it, right?
But I can never let shit like that go. I keep thinking how perfect it'd've been, and I feel all sad. So when things got ruined in the movie, I felt terrible! More terrible than the characters did, by the looks of things.
It also featured one of my greatest fears. And that freaked me out. Not in the oh-my-god-running-around-flailing sort of way. But it made me massively uncomfortable. Also it was sort of generally sick. But also made sense. But not. OH DEAR LORD STUPID MOVIE!
It made me relate so much. Little things, random things, things said, points of view, feelings, and I was constantly thinking "What would I do in this situation?" and that sort of broke me.
AND HE WAS SO CUTE OH MY GOD! WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SO CUTE!?
And so I ended up sobbing at my screen. Literally.
This wasn't the kind of "Aww, sad science fiction episode went bad and I related so much and it was so sad and I cried"-tears. This was like ultimate crying and blowing nose and sobbing-tears.
I have issues. Issues that are hard to deal with randomly 'in real life' as they say. So I both escape via shows and movies, to ignore things, and I also use them as a tool to deal with things when possible.
And so when things go shitty in fiction, I think of lots of things that are shitty IRL, and I get too emotionally invested, and attached, and then shit goes down.
But the biggest problem with that movie apart from the relating too much, and the fears, and the pressing of buttons...
The biggest problem was definitely his cute face.
Made it REALLY hard to watch.
I finished it around two a.m. My friend was very right when she called me insane for 1. Watching it at all. And 2. Watching it after one a.m. when I knew it ended in pain and misery, because how would I be able to sleep after that?
Although to be fair I didn't suspect as much until I'd started the movie, and then I was so hooked I had to finish it. It kind of draws you in. And if it doesn't, I will say this much, it's the kind of movie you need to watch all of in order to appreciate.
It took little over an hour to recover enough to go to bed. I fell asleep at four. Woke up at ten after dreaming about zombies for some reason. I was stressed out. Then I got up for real around noon.
Both times the first thing I though about was the movie. Hm. This could be troublesome for a while to come.
I'm completely broken.
But I don't think I regret watching it, because it touched me so much. No movie has made me cry that much.
Although it annoys me that I'll never know if my feelings are a result of the general movie/story, or simply because of him.
Stupid obsession-like crush for character/character/actor. (I love two of his roles specifically, and that bleeds together, of course, and then I also love him. Because it's his face. Stupid characters tend to do that to me. Like Daniel and Shanksy. ... I probably shouldn't call him 'Shanksy' here, right? Michael Shanks. Whatever. I can be sane, I promise.)
And now I... Am scared. Keeping secrets can be stressful. I mean, by now I've let enough things slip to one friend that she knows it already. But that's only one out of many.
Okay, okay. I'll come out to the world.
The movie is Third Star, and the actor is Benedict Cumberbatch.
(IKR, HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HIM?)
Phew.
Okay.
Vented.
DFTBA
Mac
